The Empire Strikes Out

Race:  Orc
Coach:  Skimmer

The Empire Strikes Out team badge
Bulletin board from the coach
Aug. 4th, 2019 - old news
"Here's the score-sheet"

"Cool. What are we blaming this time?"

"No, they won."

"You mean this is the actual scoresheet? From the actual game?"

"Yeah. They won, I said."

"You've got to be kidd... wait, the light's on... we're broadcasting... Oh, sh..."

"Call coming in. It's from the Palace."

"Cut it. Cut the feed, now."

"Got it."

This statement is the inescapable truth, brought to you by the Imperial Citizens Information Bureau. Citizens are reminded that disbelief is punishable by death
- Skimmer
May 10th, 2019 - old news
Controversy ends unbeaten Imperial run.
Amazingly, the run of unbroken Imperial victories has been ended in incredible circumstances. Facing off against Backstreet Warlords the Imperial team were setting up and running through some minor drills when the Umpire decided the game had started. Within moments the Warlords had, with the usual lack of sportsmanship, struck at the valiant Imperials, who had not even had time to safe their weapons.

Thus prevented from utilising their equipment, for fear of injuring their opponents, the Imperials nonetheless succeeded in halting the Warlords in their tracks. At this point, and with the Warlords reeling, the Princess invoked the right of Tickle Fight (as noted in Imperial Regulation number 12403, Clause 15, sub clause Gamma, section 5.2, volume four (abridged), line twelve - "In the event that any person is not standing upright for any reason, including but not limited to resting, sleeping, a fall (accidental or otherwise), medical emergency, operation of necessary equipment or death, the Princess shall have the right to invoke Tickle Fight. Once invoked, all Imperial personnel will assist the Princess in tickling said person, until either they regain their footing or the Princess is satisfied").

This led to the second controversy, as the umpire claimed not to have heard the call and sent the Princess from the field merely for tickling a man. While the Emperor himself was explaining the situation the Warlords continued to play, despite the clear break called by the Umpire to eject the blameless Princess, and were able to score. While technically within the rules the crowd were unanimously in an uproar at such a horrifying display, launching projectiles into the field of play.

One of the Imperial troops, valiantly protecting his opponents from the righteous wrath of the crowd, was struck senseless, which the dastardly Warlords used to attempt a second score. Finally the Empire's patience had worn thin, however, and the team rapidly overwhelmed the Warlords. By the time the game was called off, due to the Umpire deeming that any further offenses by the Warlords would result in riot, the score was 1-1, officially.

Given the irregularities in this game, this is a clear win for the Imperial campaign. A less biased referee, or a foe unwilling to take advantage of a child's misfortune, would have led to the rightful win of the Empire, as was deserved.

This statement is the inescapable truth, brought to you by the Imperial Citizens Information Bureau. Citizens are reminded that disbelief is punishable by death.
- Skimmer
Mar. 17th, 2019 - old news
A victorious start for the Empire
Our brave Boys in White struck the first blow on their way to a second season sweeping all before them this week, when they faced off against Kentucky Fried Chaos.

Despite the referee deciding that a minotaur apparently needed protection from a child and sending the Princess from the field when she tried to play with him, our glorious defenders ran riot. Even a logistical error which resulted in the weapons our brave lads would normally take to the field being replaced with what appears to be a set of novelty flashlights created for a group called the "Imperial Guard" had only limited impact, although it likely did explain the inability of Imperial forces to put the opposition down for the count.

KFC lived up to their name, with Chaos in every move they attempted to make. Although on one occasion this was enough to allow them a score, it was far from enough to secure them the win.

So glorious was the Imperial victory, in fact, that the reporting software encountered an overflow error, recording only the single goal scored by KFC, rather than the many scored by the mighty Imperial troops. The responsible engineers have been identified, and will be provided with appropriate education on coding, to prevent such errors in future.

This statement is the inescapable truth, brought to you by the Imperial Citizens Information Bureau. Citizens are reminded that disbelief is punishable by death.
- Skimmer
Feb. 2nd, 2019 - old news
Once again the Empire takes the field
Yesterday the Imperial team for KBBL undertook its first official training period. After retiring, as it was clearly unreasonable to potential opponents for him to take the field, Lord Vader took his rightful place at His Imperial Majesty's side as an assistant to watch over the session, watching like many a proud father as the Princess took part for a bit of fun.

Sadly, while our valiant boys in white were undertaking their skilled drills, a group of young women became enamoured, unable to overcome their baser urges faced with such paragons, and threw themselves at the fine figures of men.

Fortunately, Imperial troops are familiar with such adoration and were able to comfortably calm the ladies, although as is their way several of them required smelling salts after swooning, with one even knocking herself out on the highly protective carapace issued to all stormtroopers.

One member of the team was also unaccounted for briefly after the drills, and was eventually discovered under several of the eager ladies, saying something about 'having enough Snu-Snu for now', apparently something in the local dialect.

In the chaos the team's training was somewhat interrupted, but nonetheless they were able to complete two drills and set themselves up for a good league to come.

This statement is the inescapable truth, brought to you by the Imperial Citizens Information Bureau. Citizens are reminded that disbelief is punishable by death.
- Skimmer
Tournaments played:
Playing in:
Trophies won:
2nd place: KBBL 03



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