Old Bulletins
Retired!
| Old bulletin board |
| July 13th, 2019 |
Catalina Irons out a few creases It is no great secret that the Mixers and Soldiers have a rivalry that has existed since the day these two teams joined the blood bowl. But when the teams finally met last season on the field, the game ended frustratingly in a draw, when the ref called the game at full-time, despite the fans nearly tearing the stadium apart in rage at the result.
So it was no surprise when the time game for a rematch that both teams were ready to settle the score once and for all.
The Mixers knew full-well that they were in for a tough day, but between Catalina fouling every time the ref turned around to Mixers’ fans pulling Soldiers into the crowd to get a few hits in themselves, it was Scrap Iron that ended up having the tough day.
It was as if Nuffle reached down and thrust his big .. uh.. hand.. into the very backs of the Soldiers himself, as their armour appeared to fall apart before the fans’ very eyes. Naturally, Catalina did not hesitate to seize the opportunity. |
| - MrPopularity |
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| July 9th, 2019 |
Bertha Bigfist mixes mixers with Mixers After a sobering season opener, the Mixers were left really scraping the bottom of the (wine) barrel preparing for their next game against NHG.
It was tough week for the Mixers. Moscato ended up passing away, following being glassed by Merciless Blocker Zyguld, who managed to get revenge for his fallen teammate last season. Sake suffered severe alcohol poisoning leaving her with permanent damage to her kidneys and Cabernet refused to stop drinking long enough to put on her uniform.
As a result, the Mixers were left with little choice but to call in the big barrel herself, Bertha, who was ready and willing to show these girls how to drink properly.
Not surprisingly, the girls were so distracted by Bertha’s famous drinking, they missed the opportunity to tie-up the game when star-struck Champagne missed the ball because she was was trying to get a selfie with Bertha. |
| - MrPopularity |
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| July 5th, 2019 |
2 Girls, 1 Centaur - A solid pounding The tension is building for the Mixers as they prepare for the long-awaited revenge of the Merciless Misfits.
After their vicious game last season, which resulted in one Blocker being bottled and another being poisoned, the Mixers know that these angry Dwarfs have definitely been ‘Grudge Bearers’, and will likely be completely Merciless.
That being said, Catalina remains excited for an all-out blood bath, and to strike fear into the hearts of Dwarf like a Coach telling the Ladies “we’re doing Dry July”. I for one am rattled just picturing it... Dry July, truly terrifying.
But until hell freezes over, the Mixers are pumped (with cheap booze) and ready not to feel anything, much less Pain, so get excited sports fans the long awaited Mixers/Misfits Grudge Match is upon us. |
| - MrPopularity |
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| Apr. 16th, 2019 |
Catalina gets a taste for the Orient Catalina ventured East recently to face off against the Shoguns.
Knowing full well Catalina was in for an uphill battle, they engaged the services of the mighty Zara, a renowned expert in bladed combat, to engage Sengoku's finest.
A mighty battle soon ensued with both teams vying to attain the honour bestowed upon the victor. Whilst Catalina managed to score the first touchdown, the Shoguns soon rallied their troops with their own touchdown, to tie up the game at full time.
As neither team could accept the dishonour of a draw, the two battled on into the night. Unfortunately, the 'Knight' Uesugi did indeed battle on and managed to deal the deathblow to Catalina with the final touchdown.
Whilst the battle was lost, Catalina did obtain something, or rather someone, on their journey back though the East. A young blood bowl player, with her own distinct love for wine... |
| - MrPopularity |
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| Mar. 17th, 2019 |
Somebody poisoned the water hole The local community of Catalina was shocked today when our local girls stumbled out onto the field today before vomiting violently and falling all over the place.
Whilst no one was surprised to see the girls sick and face down in the dirt, fans were terrified when it became apparent that the girls were sober?!
It has since been determined that Nurgle Hooligans slipped into the Mixer's wine barrel reserves and defiled Catalina's famous wine before the game.
Zinfandel suffered particularly, drinking so much (as usual) that she was poisoned beyond repair. The Mixer's medics tried their best, but even they could not pump all the tainted wine from her stomach.
Sadder still, young Zinfandel infected... uh.. I mean defected to the opponents, who were more than happy to welcome her plague ridden corpse to their ranks.
A sad day for the Mixers. Loss of life, several players critically ill and several others sober. Truly tragic for everyone involved. |
| - MrPopularity |
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| Feb. 21st, 2019 |
Local Police use Unnecessary Force In an unfortunate “tale as old as time” local female community group Catalina Wine Mixers were brutally assaulted by the Las Orculous Police Dept in a Vicious attack.
Following unsubstantiated reports of public intoxication and regular murder during local sporting events, the LOPD aggressively targeted the CWM earlier today.
Despite these young ladies’ brave attempts to try to defend themselves from the onslaught of police brutality, several young ladies were injured in what can only be described as ‘an unprovoked attack’.
Fortunately, due in large part to the mysterious healing properties of Catalina’s famous Wine, several woman (and one Senior Police Officer) initially thought deceased or seriously injured miraculously recovered from their injuries.
While this horrendous attack has shocked the local community, locals have been actively sending thoughts, prayers and Facebook likes to ensure that all of these ladies makes a full recovery.
The whole team here at the Legitimately Objective Times wishes the CWM ladies a speedy recovery. |
| - MrPopularity |
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Catalina Wine Mixers
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